My Lil’ Bastard is a virtual pet game with an Adult Swim spin on it. This isn’t your everyday Tamogotchi that just wanders around eating and sleeping, your lil’ bastard has quite an attitude and seems to really take a liking to destroying the toys you get it and burning its cardboard box down. You eventually toilet train your lil’ bastard, and even send it instant messages once you get it a computer… Assuming you don’t kill it before then.

Like other Adult Swim games, the flash version of My Lil’ Bastard can be played for free online. The iPhone port of the game is remarkably similar, with the only major difference being using your finger instead of a mouse. Here are the first few minutes of the flash version:

If you like virtual pet games, but found ngmoco’s Touch Pets Dogs [Free] to be a little too cute for your tastes, My Lil’ Bastard might be right up your alley. Try the flash version first, if you find yourself enjoying your flash lil’ bastard, you’ll have just as much fun on your iPhone.

App Store Link: My Lil’ Bastard, .99

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As the title may imply, in Five Minutes to Kill Yourself, you’ve found yourself fed up with working in your monotonous office environment and have decided to off yourself. Utilizing various objects found around your office, you only have five minutes to do enough damage to put yourself out of your misery.

It isn’t that simple though, as your bothersome coworkers often initiate unskippable conversations with you. Much like working in a real office, these conversations accomplish nothing other than wasting your time. In some instances, through dialog choices you might get a coworker to attack you, but most of the time they just pester you about lunch.

You can staple your forehead, drink toilet water, pee on computers, and countless other things. The amount of objects that you can interact with and the objects that can be combined with others for even more lethal damage is pretty amazing. The following video shows the game’s tutorial, selecting clothing, and finally, killing yourself:

[ Full HD version | Low Bandwidth version ]

Five Minutes to Kill Yourself is also available as a free flash game on crazy games. It plays exactly the same as the iPhone version, the only difference is instead of using your mouse you use your finger.

Five Minutes to Kill Yourself should be available on the App Store very soon.

Update: Wow, we weren’t kidding about it being available soon. It was just released moments ago.

App Store Link: 5 Minutes to Kill Yourself, .99

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